Sunday, April 29, 2018


Some on the political right hold the view that the public service is a hotbed of socialist intrigue acting as the government in exile whenever National holds the treasury benches.   I have never subscribed to that view.   That may be fair comment when directed at PSA drones but in my experience the senior echelons of the public service are politically neutral and take pride in that.

Clearly that's not a view shared by Shane Jones.   He wants to replace departmental heads with political sycophants whose only role is to say 'how high sir' when their political master sez 'jump'.

Far be it for me to argue the toss with Minister Jones.   Instead and in the spirit of friendship I have drawn up a list of 'safe hands' from his political past and present he may wish to consider for appointment to the senior ranks of the public service ....

Cuzzie Hone Harawira ... Hone will delight in shoving it up any 'whitey' bureaucrat who might want to argue the toss with you.   He is a shit kicker extraordinaire.   Might occasionally go orf the reservation but you can guarantee his unqualified support in ending Pakeha privilege in the public service.

Taito Phillip Field ... your old Labour Party cabinet colleague.   Not sure if he's out of jail yet but if he is he'll need a job and can point to tonnes of experience in cutting through red tape especially when it comes to the construction industry.

Dover Samuels ... another of your Labour Party cabinet colleagues who jumped ship to Winston First.  Dover has a history of being prepared to push boundaries and challenge norms.   Just make sure he doesn't book himself into hotels that have CTV surveillance of their corridors.     You can pick him up from Matauri Bay each week on your way to Keri2 airport thus saving travel costs which you can put towards reinstating the SH1 Wellsford to Whangarei upgrade canned by your lot which might just get you out of a very deep hole.  

Asenati Taylor ... ex Winston First MP.   Ok, so she broke a few rules accessing data illegally and  remains convinced that the Reserve Bank is controlled by foreigners but heh, you need someone prepared to break a few rules and question establishment orthodoxy.    Latest word is that she has fled the country and is looking for work on the Gold Coast but, assuming you can persuade your colleague Iain Lees-Galloway to let her back into the country, her presence would certainly cause many in the public service to think again.

Ross Meurant ... ex National MP and now Winston First bagman.   No matter that he couldn't reconcile the fact that being a member of the Executive and accepting a directorship of the Russian PROK Bank might be seen as creating a certain conflict of interest.   But on the positive side he certainly would be prepared to bang a few heads together with some left over Minto bars to achieve whatever result you wanted.

Bill Gudgeon ... another ex Winston First MP who would be ever so grateful for a job please.   You might need to check out his c.v. though ... claimed someone else wrote the bit claiming he was a member of the SAS and had served in Vietnam.   Suggest you check out all his qualifications.

Also rans might be Richard Prosser, Dennis O'Rouke and Brendan Horan all of good NZ First Party stock but I would urge you to run those names past His Holiness the Great Helmsman in accordance with the 'no surprises' policy.   He may have a comment to make.

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