Friday, July 14, 2017


Has anyone else noticed there has not been a media release from the elf n safety gnomes on the dangers of LPG stored around dwellings for simply ages, like no one seems to have been blown up since that unpermitted and off the planet sleepout blew up weeks ago in Dorkland.

Only based on minimal headlines at that time, a gas explosion was suspected, but the "Hi Viz" battalion  have things well in hand on matters LPG in Dwellings. Not withstanding that like so many inane regulations,  ignoring is mostly only revealed after the fact. As in one night near the Local Marae, a home was incinerated and several 9Kgs were a source of entertainment, except that is for the poor buggers dodging them inside.
It is illegal to have more than one nine Kg bottle indoors and no more than two 45s on an outside wall.
All based around mindless simplistic one size fits all regs to accommodate a gas space heater such as were du jour a couple of decades ago. Zero reference as to what was to be heated, cooked or dwelling size, merely a one size fits all reg dreamed up by a shiny suited Crat.

We live nearly one hundred clicks from a LPG wholesaler prepared to deliver once a week with a simple phone order system that basically works well.
Of course life is not so simple in a house that has no open fire, log fire or anything that destroys forests. An electric cylinder with a boost element to bypass night rate, a gas califont to service the three bedrooms not adjacent to that cylinder. A Nitestore in the hallway, a gas fire in the family room and a heat pump for base heating, is it. Cooking by way of a gas hob and an electric oven with a BBQ as back up.
'Sod' in her infinite wisdom always has the current 45 Kg run to red on Tuesday, too late for this week, or if a little remiss, Wednesday, the day the truck ventures over the Hilltop. That equates to a potential survival for two weeks on one "can of gas" and in July a possible three or more weeks until a delivery. So should 'Sods' sister who has the weather stringy to hand, decide to give a timely reminder to the peasants that global war sorry make that climate change, has not reached the Armageddon turnoff yet and sends  down a storm that is normal for those with two functioning brain cells, in July, as per the program,  it surprisingly gets colder leaving Darby and Joan Gravedodger to face that cold, a we bitty exposed. Yes exposed as should that itsy bitty storm turn into a bad one and take out the 'tricity' we could become two frozen cadavers and although that might elicit a modicum of sympathy for swmbo others might say good job.

As one imbued with an active forward planning gene, Darbs decided to investigate the possibility of holding a third 45 Kg chained to another wall under the many meters of eaves that surround the house and its adjoining shed, as an emergency back up. Like, in sync with the morons who preach in the aftermath of a disaster, on ways to future proof a personal world with stored water, torches bandages tinned food etc, like you know, youve all heard it and promptly forgotten.
So ring 0800841212 and listen to the nice tones running through the possible prompts and a warning the call may be recorded for training until minutes later the one where holding will get a real person to talk. Many interruptions, thanking for patience, alternating with an  offer to a 'call back' option until some many minutes another, real possibly, voice, "can I help you".
Of course she could not, as after a detailed outline of my suggestion, a short blankety blank statement " the law does not permit more than 100 kgs of gas to be on site. No there are no exemptions, sorry".
How hard is maths 45 +45 + 45 = bugger.

If gas comes in 45s and 100 Kg total  is deemed safe, am I unreasonable to perhaps wish to hold another 45 for a couple of months as a backup in the winter of my discontent when we could be faced with no gas until maybe next Wednesday all going well,  apparently NO,  in the absence of a framed parchment noting I achieved a BA years ago and obviously simple to boot, why was I being so idiotic.

Yes I could in an emergency head down to Mr little (we have our very own and he is a much more useful one than yours) and beg a 45 Kg from the stash he can have as a dealer. apparently having a few dozen 'cans' in a netting  fenced area beside his business is safe whereas three scattered and secured at my place out of town and no other dwelling closer than 500 meters, is a formidable and totally unwarranted danger.

"Why" well still a bit of a mystery really unless one accepts we live in a perfect world and what could possibly go wrong.
Tell me again what happened to that unsinkable boat in 1912, oh that's right it inspired a Movie that made a nice Jimmy Cameron, lennie Di caprio and Kate Winslett enough money that they should never run out of Gas!

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