My sources tell me there is little truth in Labour ditching its much revered if somewhat tarnished name after a century in the Parliament, four times with the checkbook covering a quarter share of the available years, to rebrand as the Bigly Little Union Party Embracing Republicanism, Bluper for short. Some older life members were known to be struggling to recall what Labour represented with one contributing a theory it was all about hard work only to be shouted down over such arrant revisionist rubbish.
A Bluper gummint would look after everyone just as soon as the little people took over. Russel the Red had left his notes behind when he went whale watching or what ever it was, so the money was there.
It is very hard to ascertain the facts around a large order from Frazer House for medals and gold braid with the suggested change of leader's position to Leader for life time under union rulers demands, given a temporary acronym of Liftuurd. Apparently temporary because one wag asked who could lift the new vehicle while there were still A little guy and Jacko inside it trying to make room between Shore, and Material for Winston No and another couple of always scrapping tangata whenua in the trunk.
Any talk of the rainbow, out of work, transgender, teacher, immigration, neutral gender wing agreeing was apparently premature. A spokesperson for "Rotting wing" said over my dead body to which Wag barked, "that could be arranged" before going back to a job at The Abbatoir hearding actual sheep, leaving the virtual sheep to bleat on.
Meanwhile in other news, Material Girl emerged from her castle north of Dunedin to perform an outstanding routine at the Blueskin Bay Games scoring tens from international judges on the balance beam with a controversial unrehearsed double somersault with spinning rhombus dismount dedicated to the Cadbury Workers and the proposed sugar tax.. One commenter called it lethal which is exactly how it turned out for the dacshound, unfortunately turned into a hot dog complete with fake tomato sauce when it ended up involved unintentionally in the flawless horozontal landing dismount, judged by obsevers as falling flat.
Reports of Simon Says and Malcolm Muddles circling lake Wakatipu with wives in tow was fake news, they merely took the mountain air in downtown Qtown and the wives were making their way unassisted although while going up hill Lucy asked if there was an electric bike handy as the planet was in danger according to Tim Flannery and the four of them were creating excess CO2.
Her suggestion to Mal fell on deaf ears, nothing new there.
Simon Says smugly smiled simply saying Trump sang happy towday is Sunday songs. (It was Monday here but the Don was on a roll)
But wait there's more, before attending the Bluper launch, shadow finance spokesthingy Jimmy Shore promised at a one man seminar, to fleece rich pricks and close the gaps. It was later corrected to chase the gits. The one man attending was found to be confused, disoriented and overdue at the nearby rest home after a Sunday Mall trip to get his hearing aid battery replaced.
Breaking news; A little person discovered looking very dejected that 7 was his lucky number, lucky because it could have been worse, even viewed through blue tinted contact lenses. When asked why blue, Seven angrily retorted how bloody stupid would I look with red or pink and the inquirer thought better of any reply, thoughts shall for ever remain secret, here's fervently hoping five eyes were engaged elswhere and not lip reading
Simon suffered slight slippage in seats, sample suggested Simon succeeded in securing top slot, simply superb saviour still skipper.
Well ahead of the dreaded twenty one percent shadow.