Friday, June 3, 2016

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?


Why do toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp that no human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no-one cares why is there a stupid song about him?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil  is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

How come you never hear any Father-in-Law jokes?


Old but still a good larf

2 comments:

macdoctor said...

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered
Important enough to generate newspapers

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
We're all nude in heaven, you pervert

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Have you ever tried to fold a round box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?
Swine flu, obviously.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Panties and trousers accommodate two limbs hence they are pairs. It would be rude to refer to a lady's breasts as a "pair"

Why do toasters have a setting that burns toast to a horrible crisp that no human being would eat?
Oh please! What would I throw at the cat in the morning if I didn't have ready made throwing briquettes?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no-one cares why is there a stupid song about him?
Don't know, don't care.

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Much as I appreciate the superb image of children being rendered down into fat, the answer is the rather prosaic glycerine

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Two words: Bad breath

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Who can be arsed to count 4 billion stars?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
In case they prick themselves first (this is actually true)

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Keep head warm. Why you wear helmet?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Some of them couldn't be stuffed with this evolving thing. "If the trees were good enough for grandad..."

How come you never hear any Father-in-Law jokes?
Father-in-laws are shy and retiring. You don't survive long annoying two women at the same time do you?

The Veteran said...

macdoctor ... the drinks are on me.