Wednesday, March 23, 2016

OZ 'HUMOUR' DOING THE ROUNDS

Remember Paul Keatings words: THE RECESSION WE HAD TO HAVE.  Bloody hell. Our stocks have crashed, we get 2% on any fixed deposits, our Super is stuffed.. Turnbull and Morrison are running round looking up their arses for things to tax/save for the upcoming budget. Woe on woe.

This recession is hitting everybody really hard.  Things couldnt be much worse:

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of
 pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your cheque marked ;Insufficient Funds' you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Toorak fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.



2 comments:

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Well done, Vet.

"Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen."

That'a the best.

gravedodger said...

Good larf Vet my vote goes to the call centre in Pakistan.