Tuesday, April 21, 2015

They were married !!!!



and on the evidence published so far, very much in love.

 An Iowa State politician Henry Rayons visited his wife in a dementia unit and is charged with having sexual relations with a woman incapable of granting consent.

Two widowed sixty somethings met at their church choir, fell in love and married.
Some eight years later Donna Lou fell under the bastard mind destroying disease Alzheimer's, and eventually was admitted to a nursing home.
Henry was a regular visitor and no problems until the home moved Donna Lou into a shared room. Next time Henry called he closed the privacy curtains and the other resident called the nurse.

Well of course Donna's daughter didn't like Henry and immediately took her mother to hospital where a full medical indicated sexual contact had occurred, there was zero indication of force or injury but because the matter of consent from a  person of diminished mental ability was in question, Henry Donna Lou's lawful husband was arrested and charged.

My life skills have indicated to me that humans with diminishing mental capacity have a serious need for contact, verbal, physical  and emotional and a response from a hug with emphasis on cuddle can bring some to tears very quickly.
Now as to sexual contact my knowledge is somewhat limited but not to the point of knowing nothing, I can read observe and listen.
A dear old lady I knew well ended her days in a rest home and the staff informed me, as I had a legal guardian relationship that the dear old soul had formed a relationship with another resident, male younger but suffering onset dementia.
My response was that so long as no-one was in danger just let them be and although my friend never even admitted that there was a new man in her life, in the chaos of end of life with the morphine and variable cognitive conditions she blurted out that she had always been "faithful to her late husband".
I saw no point in responding, an acceptance and moving along sufficed as the dear old soul was in the terminal stage.
That was a sobering little additional glimpse to what can occur in someone drugged and drifting and whatever happens to dear old Henry in Iowa it is possible a grave miscarriage of justice will eventuate, as for Donna Lou thankfully she is no longer there but I would not be so sure that Henry will see much peace in his remaining years as the punishment for loving his wife may be as long as ten years in the poky.

How anyone other than Henry and Donna Lou could possibly form an accurate judgement as to what happened and what motivated them is something that will be of monumental interest to many but on what has been revealed so far it is indeed a conundrum with no prospect of resolution.
Many rest homes do not allow relationships to develop and there are too many cases where lifelong partnerships of well over 50 years, are ended in the chaos of the resthome solution.

Modern younger people who see their freedoms in relationships as normal have enormous difficulty in even considering that old people might have a similar view of those same freedoms.

Good luck Henry I fear you may well need it in spades.

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