Sunday, November 9, 2014

More Than A Kernal Of Truth


New Zealanders originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and gatherers.
They lived on animals on the plains during the summer and would then go to the coast and live on fish and mussels in the winter.
The two most important events in all Kiwi history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern Kiwi civilisation and together were the catalyst for the splitting of New Zealanders into two distinct sub-groups:
1. Nationals, and
2. Labour.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminium can were invented so while our early Kiwis were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night, while they were drinking beer
This was the beginning of what is known as the National movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Nationals by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Labour movement.
Some of these Labour men eventually evolved into women. They became known as pooftas.

Some noteworthy Labour achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that the Nationals provided.
Modern Labourites and Union leaders drink imported beer and they like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu and French food are standard Labour fare.

Another interesting, evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, government workers – local and national, personal injury lawyers, journalists (especially at The DomPost), TVNZ staff, and group therapists are Labourites.

Nationals drink domestic beer, mostly Steinlager or Speights.
They eat red meat (rare), and still provide for their women.
Nationals are police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, business owners, farmers, Doctors and Nurses and generally anyone who works productively.
Nationals who own companies, hire other Nationals who want to work for a living.

Labourites produce little or nothing.
They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production.
That is why most of the Labourites created the business of trying to get more for nothing - and usually plead for government money to fund their unproductive, parasitical activities.

Here ends today's lesson in New Zealand’s history.

It should be noted that a Labourite may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A National will simply laugh, and be so convinced of the absolute truth of history, that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more Labourites - just to piss them off

And there you have it.

Anon via inbox.


Jamie said...

Nationals banning fire-works...

pdm said...

They have to Jamie to stop the Labour people hurting themselves and damaging the property and businesses owned by Nationals with them.

Jamie said...

Nanny State...

Anonymous said...

National drink Speights!!
When are they going to evolve to some decent plonk?