Sunday, May 15, 2011

The minutiae of domestic life

Anonymous (that prick's always hanging around here) had a go at Adolf the other day for blogging about shopping rather than politics, so as an extended "fuck you, asshole," here's a post about Miltian home life.

I'm having a go at sole parenting this year. The more sensible, intelligent and practical half of the marriage is retraining a long way from PN. (Yeah, yeah, spare me the comments.)

Cue general mayhem. Last weekend I got a call to tell me she'd tipped coffee all over her new laptop. I couldn't really complain, because I had to tell her I'd scraped the people-mover on the garage door hinge. Just to rub in the "gods are pissing themselves laughing at you, dumbass" aspect of it, I've started teaching my son to drive (just scraped in before the law change). So we're taking my daughter and her friend out somewhere, I tell him he can drive, but I'll get the car out of the garage for him because it's a tight fit - and they're all standing there watching as I run the rear passenger door into the garage door hinge bracket. If you've ever read your kids "The Bike Lesson" featuring the Berenstain Bears, the resulting scenario will be familiar: "Right son, the main thing is you want to get it out of the garage without doing that to it."

So, two calls to the insurance company last week. Only time we've had to claim in 15 years was for getting burgled a couple of years back, and now here's two at once. Farkinell.

Or more than two. Today, I get a call to say she's backed her car into a pole. I'm not caring too much about it because I'm too busy trying to figure out why the hot water cylinder keeps throwing its trip switch. Not much point - when it comes to electrical circuits, I can replace batteries in a torch and generally persuade diabolical Lucas automotive electrics to carry out something close to normal functions. In this case an electrician's going to have to look at it - or maybe a plumber, if it's the cylinder itself that's got the problem.

We're too high up for floods, so I'm now wondering what's coming next - maybe a meteorite through the roof.

10 comments:

MacDoctor said...

We're too high up for floods, so I'm now wondering what's coming next - maybe a meteorite through the roof.

Whoa, there PM, you aren't even up to the plague of frogs yet. Fireballs from heaven come later.
;-)

Mort said...

perhaps a real poll company might post a swing towards ACT... that'd give you the shits! LOL

KiwiGirl said...

We had cold water for a couple of nights before we worked out that the ripple switch wasn't on. Call to the power company - they sent a bloke. Seems our switch board had a part on it that came out of the ark. Bloke fixed it at the power companys expense. All is now hunky dory.

kehua said...

Mice and rats are creating heaps of work for Sparkies up North.

Psycho Milt said...

Yeah, it is that time of year - could be a dead insulation-nibbler shorting it out.

Mort: not at all, not at all. Poll success for ACT is bad news for National...

Barnsley Bill said...

I win.
Again.
Left Kerikeri at 4.45 this morning in the Range Rover.
Arrived at Albany 7.45
Throw my coat at Mary Poppins to hang up for me and the Cooks car/house keys fall out of the pocket.
I call the Cook and tell her that I have her main keys and she will have to use the spare keys.

"YOU STUPID @#$%^& YOU HAVE THE SPARE KEYS IN YOUR GLOVE BOX"

As I do not return to Barnsley Manor until Friday and the third vehicle is unavailable (jeep is in pieces) the cook will have to borrow a neighbours car until the courier arrives by wednesday!

Bonus stupidity..
The nine year old left his boots and shin pads in the Rangie as well (which answers the fetid stench question) So I have to pop for a pair of boots today so he can go to training tonight.
Life was much easier before we reconciled.
The good news is that she should have calmed down by Friday.

Barnsley Bill said...

Update, keys have been couriered.
Money transferred for boots, shin pads and a small fine for being a dork.
Sigh.

Psycho Milt said...

Hell hath no fury like the woman you've locked out of her house. Children who leave their sports gear in the car however, are owed nuttin.

ConnyPN said...

Harrumph, I didn't back into a pole, I swiped it with the front bumper backing out!

Hopefully the PN PM children might hower tonite, otherwise Milt will get letters from school.

Psycho Milt said...

All shall be washed tonight, we have hot water again.

The sparky showed me how our old 1971-model fusebox has the main cable going to the mains switch on the box, rather than the meters. "You wouldn't be allowed to wire it up like that these days," he said. "New boxes have to have the main cable going directly into the meter. See, if you wanted to bypass your meter, you could just wire stuff up to this pole on your mains switch."

"Very interesting," I said. "If I was capable of doing that without electrocuting myself or setting fire to the house, I'd be sorely tempted."