Tuesday, June 29, 2010

New job going well. UNTIL.......

Started yesterday, was asked to come in at 9.30 instead of the regular 8.
Arrived to a warm greeting by all. Shown to my desk which was buckling under the strain of all the new toys. Flash new laptop. Check. Flash new PDA. Check. All the accessories. Check.
Look around, everybody still smiling. Went for coffee. Met with boss who informed me we are off on holiday on Thursday (he called it a conference) to some swankly lodge on the Waikato near Taupo. Met new P.A, like Mary Poppins (without the singing). Went for lunch. Started reading training manuals, constantly interrupted by IT guy who wanted to make sure I had everything I could possibly need E.V.E.R
Spent the remaining hour of the day being introduced to senior staff.
Today. Arrived early for daily conference call with sales team. Went for coffee, read some more stuff. Had an organic interface issue with intranet login, called IT guy. He was at my desk within seconds and actually apologised for not training me properly!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF. Starting to look around now wondering whether the dream would end. Interrupted by boss who told me the rental 4wd was organised for me to get to the holiday, and a cab to collect me from home in the morning to collect it. As I am absorbing this he drops the bombshell that a week after I am back from this weeks holiday, we are off on holiday again (he called it national conference).
Now think that somebody has slipped me a shroom and I am having a Tom Cruise in "The Firm" trip and terrified that I might awaken. Brought back to reality by glimpsing my hideous reflection in the window.
Lunch. Curry.
Meet with HR manager who is like Mary Poppins mum, fought back the tears at the niceness of it. Feeling euphoric when she asks me if everybody is being nice. Then trotted along to payroll, they were getting twitchy because they needed my forms SO THAT THEY COULD PAY ME TODAY.
Finished the day with some more solid reading.
Got in car, traffic parted.. Home in minutes.

And then I got the email with my payslip in it and saw the BAD NEWS.

I am now back in the PAYE system. Woe is me.


Anonymous said...

Welcome to the New Zealand Civil Service

Since John "Do Nothing" Key is planning no making no cuts whatsoever to civil service staffing, long may you continue your sinecure for years to come!

Barnsley Bill said...

Well......... Actually. I am working in the private sector. And I forgot to mention the massage that was offered today. A monthly event for head office staff during office hours.

I suspect that the easing into it will end in a few weeks and I will become a whiny cubicle drone like most do. But for now, having spent a decade as a self employed shirker I am really enjoying the air conditioned comfort, pleasant working environment, supportive staff and management, adequate lighting and free coffee that many others take for granted.
However there is a much bigger issue issue on the horizon.
I suspect by the middle of next week I am going to need to invest in a hot water bottle, length of rubber hose and gallon of olive oil.
Life at Barnsley Manor has seen me become used to a solitary throne.
It would appear I am a nervous pooher. Don't like sharing and this is playing havoc with the swiss clock regularity that I have become accustomed to.

Inventory2 said...

Bran muffins and a few bags of liqorice ougth to clear the blockage BB.

It sounds like a shit job, but I guess someone has to do it.

Inventory2 said...

BTW - did you hear that the English football team went to visit an orphanage before they flew home.

"It was heartbreaking to see them all; all those sad faces, with no hope, and nothing to look forward to" said Gwela, aged six.

Johnboy said...

Good God for a moment I thought you had become an MP!

kevin said...

So, 'The System' beckons with all it's adornments and baubles... have fun with it all.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Yes, the traffic is usually very good around that part of the city between two and three in the afternoon.

Oswald Bastable said...

Enjoy the moment.

You are about to discover that your memories have been transfered into the body of a 17-year-old catamite at a labor party conference.

DenMT said...

We get massages every two weeks here. To be highly recommended.


Anonymous said...

Heh better work on some exercise too somehow other wise you may become Parekura Bill


Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Why on earth are they issuing you with little posts of sticky white glue?

Anonymous said...

You are like the farmed rabbits in Watership Down. Its warm & comfy but the farmer eats one every now and then. Its not as good freedom with all its risks. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Anonymous said...

Well done mate. Two long blacks and 3 Winny Blues not working? Mrs Public swears by kiwifruit, orally of course.

BTW, Spain 1- Portugal 0. Told ya. Curse continues. I note Nike have a new one for the second round, featuring Robinho, so that's Brazil fucked too.


gravedodger said...

what is it with those of us who postpone taking a dump in a shared bog, an extreme case of anal retention?
Best wishes with the new course in life, the brochure reads well, but down the track?