It has become evident that Labour has realised it has a right lemon in its mayoral candidate from Manukau. The word's out that they are polling to see how acceptable might be Steven Tindall. (See Kiwiblog)
Adolf reckon's Mr Tindall will likely have a few more important fish to fry and in the event he refuses to stand, one needs to consider the alternatives.
Who is Labour's Julia Gillard?
The front runner obviously must be Judith Tizard whose two redeeming characteristics are (a) that her name rhymes with Gillard and (b) geriatric voters might think they are voting for her mother. By the look of this shot voters will get twice as much as they would get with Banks. By hell she's a big heifer!
Close behind must be Shane Jones who hasn't got a shit's show in hell of getting anywhere in national politics but who can provide vital support and guidance for the conversion of Auckland's waterfront from the Tank Farm through to the Container Terminal into a gigantic South Pacific Sex Market, ranging from Little Amsterdam at one end for poofters through to our very own PI Patpong at the other for all the red blooded Kiwi blokes, with sections for trannies and pedos somewhere in between. Like Tizard, this starter has a fully developed carcass, bought and paid for by the tax payer.
Chris Carter will be looking for a job and he'd be a wonderful candidate. Waiheke Island would enjoy holidays from ever again having to pay rates while the Super City CEO would be free to run the show just so long as Chris and his little rent boy were left to roam the earth in first class Boeings and five star hotels. No messy press conferences to worry about because he won't EVER speak to the media again, the bitches!!!!
How could I have overlooked John Tamihere? He's actually got some ability and might make a serious contender although the CEO would need to keep him off the turps and away from Ian Wishart.
Actually, Labour really needs to find and use some flair and imagination. Find a person who has universal appeal and who has led a blameless life.
I've got it.
There's a feller called N Kirk listed in the phone book living in Sandringham. Labour's spin doctors need to get over there real quick and check him out. If he's not a big amiable oaf with a good set of teeth they've got their work in front of them. Twenty grand's worth of dentistry and five kilos of Samoan steroids (taro) each day will soon solve the physical deficiencies. All they have to do then is photoshop the election posters and they'll be home and dried.
After all it worked with Clark.
There must be others.
Any more bids?