Sunday, March 28, 2010

Pissing Your Rates Up Against a Tree

The appalling embarrassment occupying the North Shore Cit mayoral will have some trouble lying his way out of this one.



Drinking for six hours, dropping his dacks and pissing on a council owned tree and then driving himself home. Shit, he didn't have enough brains to call dial a driver. Well of course he couldn't do that or the word might have got out.

The local Gummint minister has had enough of this alcoholic keyboard basher's antics and is calling for the immediate resignation of our pisstank mayor.

He talked to a couple at the popular eatery and could be heard referring to himself in the third person. He said he was North Shore's mayor and enjoyed his role.

Inquiries with two bar staff revealed Williams had been drinking red wine at the establishment since 4pm. Six hours later Williams left GPK alone and headed down Hurstmere Rd towards the offices of the North Shore City Council, where he has been mayor since 2007.

On his way he stopped, pulled down his trousers and urinated on a tree outside the council offices.

Williams then headed for the council underground carpark, collected his mayoral vehicle and drove home to Campbells Bay, a 6km trip.

I'll bet he enjoys the role. My rates are keeping this jerk in a perpetual state of intoxication.

He goes on to concede (reading between the lines) that he spends more time at GPK drinking my rates than he does on genuine council business:-

Further inquiries that evening at GPK revealed the mayor was a "very frequent visitor", "possibly one of our most regulars", said one waitress.......

.......... Asked if he had been working on Thursday evening, Williams replied: "I can't recall. I might have been. I go to meetings every day, every night." .

Those meetings must be pure hell. So tiresome, so boring, so DRY.

Adolf looks forward to his contrived explanation.

Will he allege he is being stalked by ACT party members disguised as journalists?

Will he allege that his belt broke as he was walking back to the car park and simultaneously his bladder malfunctioned?. You know, it happens as you get older. Ask Dover Samuels.

It's high time for an OIA request (go for it Whaleoil) for the records of his spending on his NZCC credit card.




16 comments:

Barnsley Bill said...

You beat me to the post Adolf.
Whaleoil has another scalp and the SST seems to have a young journo that can stay awake past 4.30 pm and can find therir own stories without relying on regurgitated press releases to create copy.

There really is not much the clown of campbells bay can do about this.
*Bluster it out.
*Do a hawke and beg tearfully for forgiveness.
*Angrily deny.
I hope he chooses angrily deny.

The chances of him quietly resigning are nil.

Inventory2 said...

How's this for a new sobriquet for him:

The Takapuna Tree-sprinkler

pdm said...

He makes Michael Laws and Tim Shadbolt look like saints doesn't he.

And why doestnt he wear trousers with a fly - or was he so pissed he couldn't unzip it?

pdm said...

He makes Michael Laws and Tim Shadbolt look like saints doesn't he.

And why doestnt he wear trousers with a fly - or was he so pissed he couldn't unzip it?

Anonymous said...

I believe he has 3 kids (and a wife??) Surely for goodness she would have something to say about him being out at all hours of the night........if I tried that my missus would have my ears chewed off after the first night let alone 3 years of it......hmmm I wonder if she has a bit on the side and thats why Williams has fallen for the red mistress.

Jimmie

Barnsley Bill said...

Every utterance and action by this drunken idiot just screams bully. The poor woman probably encourages it as a way to keep him calm.

Anonymous said...

Oh....I just read on wiki:
he has a wife called Jane, and she believes he suffers from an illness known as 'chinese lurgy'.......I presume that red wine is the only medication that can prevent bouts of this malay.......this explains everything....why didn't he just say??

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrew_Williams_(New_Zealand)

Jimmie

Anonymous said...

So suddenly the SST is an authority and to be believed.

All hearsay st this point in time.

Anonymous said...

Oh and don't forget Dover. Now Dover pissed in the Hotel corridor from memory.
And oh but there for the Grace of God go all of us.
EH

Anonymous said...

Oh and what about Dover. Didn't he piss in the hotel corridor?

There, but for the Grace of God go all of us!

Anonymous said...

"He talked to a couple at the popular eatery and could be heard referring to himself in the third person."

Yep, he should definitely go for that. It's a far, far worse affectation even than referring to oneself with a collective pronoun.

"Adolf looks forward to his contrived explanation."

Oh dear.

Judge Holden

Anonymous said...

Mayor's wife defends husband

Sunday, 28, Mar, 2010 10:30AM

The wife of North Shore City's mayor Andrew Williams has gone in to bat for her husband this morning.

The Sunday Star Times alleges Mr Williams urinated on a tree outside council offices and drove home after drinking in a bar.

Mr Williams' wife, Jane Williams, says when her husband got home he was not drunk at all and he would certainly never drive drunk. She says the mayor does not want to talk about the allegations because he is fed up with a newspaper reporter trying to stir up trouble.

"I think it's a very exaggerated report of whatever happened on Thursday night, to be quite honest."

Ms Williams says the mayor will not be responding to calls for his resignation.

Anonymous said...

well of course he wasn't drunk he was suffering from ....chinese malay.....his wife said so

Jimmie

Anonymous said...

I vote for a reality television programme called "North Shore House Trouts". Their husbands have to resign their careers after they have predatory affairs with junior staff. Their husbands spend $3.4m on sex workers. Then they defend their husbands when they Dover-Up the main street. What a programme ! Please, please, please TVNZ.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

I wonder when they'll release the movie?

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

You know, if this had been Dr Brash, Mouldy Fran would have been all over him, screeching "Are you and alcoholic, Mr Mayor, Are you an alcoholic?"