Saturday, October 31, 2009

ON WINSTON FIRST

The Veteran was concerned to note that Winston First rated 2.1% in the latest Royal New Zealand Herald poll as preferred Prime Minister. So much so that he commissioned, at great personal expense, a poll to probe what goes to make a 'true believer' The results ...................

1. 82% are over age 70.
2. 11% are over age 99.
3. 27% believe that the nice Mr Muldoon should make way for Winston.
4. 5% believe that Winston is the Prime Minister.
5. 43% say they aren't racist but they wouldn't want their grandchild to marry into Maoridom.
6. 14% believe that Winston isn't Maori.
7. A staggering 69% believe in the A + B theorem.
8. Of those, 54% believe if Social Credit works, no-one else will have to.
9. 22% drive Skodas.
10. 41% believe that sleeping in the raw is deviant.
11. 34% believe that the Moon landings were faked.
12. 3% think Elvis is alive and living in Taihape.
13. 0.016% claim to be Elvis.
14. 7% pick Keith Holyoake as the current Governor General.
15. 2% are virgins
16. 44% wear (grey) slip on (synthetic leather) shoes.
17. 93% of the workers in an illegal distillery in the Catlins swear by him.
18. 14% of those polled in the Rodney District want Winston to stand for Mayor (in W(h)anganui)
19. 81% of those polled in W(h)anganui want Winston to stand for Mayor in their city.
20. 17% think Winston is God.
21. 2% think God thinks Winston's God.

And poor old Phil only manages to beat him by 4%.

3 comments:

Inventory2 said...

Great stuff Veteran - thanks for the belly-laughs!

muz said...

70 % of pensioners use the gold card on public transport but only 1% of them will vote for him in 2 years time. Of that 1%, sadly 42% don't expect to still be able to get to the booth as the ACC component on the proposed registration of mobility scooters will lead to a dramatic fall in use.

Rob's Blockhead Blog said...

You're wrong about Elvis in Taihape though.

It's Murchison.