Sunday, October 25, 2009

Labour Finance Minister speaks from the heart, leaves his brain outside


Breaking News.

Labour's Finance Minister, Bill English, (pictured above) has spoken of the "inequity and unfairness" of the tax system.

In a speech largely aimed at "those rich pricks from ACT and National, you know, the John Key types", English has signalled that any changes to the tax system would be based on "equity and fairness" because large-scale "legitimate avoidance behaviour by higher-income earners undermined the goodwill of lower-income earners."

English has been heard to complain to the Prime Minister, Annette King, that "it's quite telling that there has been virtually no growth in the number of people paying tax on $1 million of annual income, since the 39 cent top personal tax rate was introduced 10 years ago.

"Annette, as a country, we want families, businesses, accountants and lawyers looking at how to unlock greater income and productivity, not working out how to minimise their tax."

When asked how people keeping more of their own money to employ staff, invest, save or spend in the economy was "unproductive" or "locked up money" English was non-committal merely saying "look, we are borrowing $250 million per week. How do you expect us to pay that back, with interest, unless we unlock and grab all that unproductive money locked up and owned by rich pricks?

National's opposition finance spokesperson, Nick Smith, refused to comment today, merely referring enquirers to the party's website which he said contained its vision, values and philosophies. When told by reporters that the website was broke and malfunctional, Smith gave a wry look at offered one word: touche.

This newspaper then found two websites that offered real comment on the matter, one of which gave an external debt meter based on the Labour government's borrowing.

G O Oner, One News.


3 comments:

WAKE UP said...

Which one is Bill English? :)

Gooner said...

Neither. Bill English totally missed the boat and never made the meeting.

Anonymous said...

Bill, here's your solution to your problem of tax avaidance

A FLAT TAX OF 17.5% including GST.

Then cut your diarrhoeal spending to conform with the new rate.
Once the tax take o9mproves then you can start to restore some of the luxuries in life like the unemployment benefit for people who have been on it for more than 6 months. Its about time those lazy buggers sacrificed for NZ too