Monday, October 19, 2009

Could National Lose 2011? Here's How.

There IS a way National can screw up and lose the 2011 general election.

Let your imagination run wild for a moment and picture the void left by a go nowhere, do nothing, no talent, still in denial Labour Party - polling at around 15% party vote.

Imagine a small army - maybe a platoon or two - of Redbaiters, erikters, Wake Ups, Manolos etc - fulminating on the sidelines. They have been ineffectual thus far and they need a cause celebre or a trigger point to elevate themselves into the centre of the public consciousness.

It is early 2011 and the recession has not receded. Unemployment remains high. Constraint is the order of the day. Ticket sales have bombed, in spite of a special gummint injection of $5 million (thanks McCully) to promote sales overseas. The projected loss balloons to an unprecedented $60 million and the tax payer sees a looming bill for $40 million.

Enter thePark Yeehaa Party , lead by the charismatic Red Baiter, revealed to be none other than highly successful Ruawai dairy farmer, fifty year old Vlado Yankovich, father of six daughters and scourge of socialism. The Park Yeehaa Party is born but struggles to gain traction as it rails against the socialist pinkos in National and their suckhole comrades in ACT. It soaks up the rump of NZ First and a few disaffected National members. ACT suffers in the polls from its association with National and languishes between 2 and 3 percent. PYP moves up to poll steadily at 6 to 7% and can see Red in parliament.

Then, two months before the election, the All Blacks fail to even make the semi-finals of the Rugby World Cup and ticket sales for the remaining games dry up completely. The final is only seventy-five percent sold. Losses now are predicted to exceed $80 mil.

Voters search in desperation for somewhere to go and descend upon the PYP as the only real means of punishing National for the RWC debacle without giving oxygen to the hated Labour Party and the reviled Greens.

National takes a bath and polls 41% party vote, ACT gets 4% but wins two electorates, MP takes 12 seats and the Park Yeehaa Party wins 22% of the party vote, with no electorates. Greens fail to make the cut while Labour outbids Bill English with 18% of the vote.

14 comments:

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Red, only a one star rating? Hell and I gave you the party leadership!

erikter said...

Your sicophantic attitude towards the National Party doesn't do any favours to the political hacks you profess to defend. Open your eyes.

Chief Cheerleader Adolf is rapidly losing the plot.

Time to help you packing to shift to Adelaide.

Paracelsus said...

Sadly, the lesson of history is that economic disasters feed statist parties ("left" or "right" are not very helpful labels as they imply a non-existant difference between fascists, communists and the like).
my guess is a resurgence of support for winstonism and bradfordism (without the green facepaint).
You are spot on about the impending flop of the RWC. Every cent of taxpayer money put into it is a dead loss.

big bruv said...

YES!

Not sure if I want to be Minister of Corrections/Police or Minister of Social Welfare.

WAKE UP said...

I want to be head of the Race Relations Office so can fire Joris de Bres - and then fire myself too :)

StephenR said...

Heh, the name sounds like the Asian equivalent of the Maori Party.

Anonymous said...

Where do I sign up?

Inventory2 said...

Looks like erikter, in his haste to rubbish Adolf, missed seeing the word "fiction" in the tags for the post.

Anonymous said...

Nothing is set in concrete, two years is a long time, and I don't beleive in poll results.

Tan

christian las said...

Polls are also ficiton.

Anonymous said...

a wet dream perhaps?
Mikenz

sagenz said...

Nah - fiction has to be plausible, fantasy is closer. And that post fails utterly!...


You described redbaiter as charismatic

erikter - you did not make leader because you cannot spell sycophantic

Heine said...

They say ficton sometimes mirror the truth. However no surprises that Adolf still makes National look good in all of this :)

The Nats won't lose however they will have to do something once the Labour fucktards bring in a new leader. If Labour elect a centrist leader the Nats can then look to amalgamation (finally). ACT and the Greens can soak up the left and right wing vote and Key can continue doing what he's doing now, with Labours support :)

Sus said...

A very good reason to dump MMP then, Adolf! :)