Friday, September 18, 2009

First Blood To Adolf

Update: Adolf's spies tell him one of country's leading and respected journalists went to the doctor recently and was sent off for blood tests. Before leaving the doctor's rooms he/she was handed a form with instructions on making formal complaints about Labtests.

"But I haven't been there yet. I have nothing to complain about."

"You will" was the startling reply. Unbelievable!!!

What a disgraceful performance by our medical profession who treat their patients as pawns in a political and commercial battle between two Australian corporations. DML are desperately attempting to blacken Labtests' reputation in New Zealand in order to hinder their chances of winning lucrative contracts in Australia.

That's what this is all about.

I hope Labtests' lawyers are studying the law which makes it a criminal offence to interfere with another party's contractual rights. DML might find they need deep pockets and so might Mr Hooton.

Adolf went for a fasting blood test this morning. He waited until the normal start time for DML (0800) and looked up the Labtest location on their website. Thank goodness he did because nobody at his medical practice had bothered to tell him blood tests were no longer available at the GP's premises.

Now you know why the doctors are up in arms. For twenty years they've been creaming fees from DML. All the DML sites in my neck of the woods are in GP's premises.

Well, guess what? Brilliant service.

Labtests open for business an hour before DML did. 0700. Now I'll be able to drop in on my way past during the early 7,000 metre route march. Heaps of parking because, Labtests took Adolf's advice some months ago and located their bloodsucking site at a supermarket car park.

Today the total elapsed time from arrival to departure was twenty-one minutes. So it turns out all the propaganda put up by DML and their venal doctor friends has turned out to be bullshit. We are seeing a change in service delivery to a far more cost efficient model - with NO DISCERNIBLE DIMINUTION IN SERVICE.

In passing, Adolf can recall more than one occasion over the last ten years or so where insurance blood test results have been lost or misdirected. They were simply repeated without any fuss.

The lass who punctured Adolf's arm used to work for DML. Sour grapes was the phrase she used. Apparently when she moved over she was told she was a traitor. What a disgusting corporate culture.

So to summarise:

There have been thirteen complaints in all. Of these, four were related to patient waiting times. Of the remaining nine, seven look suspiciously like plants by doctors closely associated with DML. MacDoctor points out how easy it is to sabotage the system by failing to put the right numbers on the test request form.

Adolf eagerly awaits the outcome of the Health Commissioner's investigation of these complaints and that of Labtests itself. Both enquiries should focus closely on the activities of four prominent doctors.

It is extraordinary that so much heat has been generated by so few complaints. Testament to what you can do with some careful manipulation of lazy and incompetent media, a little bit of quiet sabotage and a skillful PR company.


Scorpio said...

no personal experience yet, but I asked the receptionist at my doctor's office the other day, and she said they were having major problems with Labtests.

Not sure she would have an axe to grind.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Perhaps you could have asked her what sorts of problems?

Scorpio said...

She said the tests for patients on Warfarin were taking days to return instead of hours. No other specifics except that there were big delays. I wasn't interviewing her, I just asked because, quite frankly, I thought it was all a beat up.

this is in Papatoetoe btw.

Anonymous said...

Due for the 6mth WOF in afew weeks the first to be done by Labtests so will interested in the results


Anonymous said...

Thinking about yopur next post about 2050 and your comment about zimmer frames, would you find the sucking depots as convieneient if you currently used one of them?
Dr's rooms are the best move in years.
No having to traipse across country or que up before work to get the job done. Do it all at once. Personal efficiency. Probably not necessary for you but a lot of us are rather busy and really don't have life to waste driving around the country looking for a blood sucker.
Just mho.
And of course this was where the money was saved to win the tender.
Inconvenience to customers. NZ er's are really good at that.Second only to Australians by the way.

Anonymous said...

How you going with that zimmer frame. Tried to walk the distance yet at 90?