Thursday, August 20, 2009

Long After The Battle Was Lost

On May the 23rd, 2009, the battleship USS Missouri slowly steamed into the Hauraki Gulf and a reincarnated General Douglas MacArthur signed the deed of surrender which ended the bitter war between Imperial Labour and the Allies of Auckland. The surrender document was entitled:

Local Government (Tamaki Makaurau Reorganisation) Act 2009

Sadly, news of the surrender did not filter through to all the participants and thirty four years later in December 2043, a shrunken, starving skeletal figure was captured in the jungle of Campbell's Bay, the last of the hold outs from the great thirty year Auckland City Council War. The man's story bore a striking resemblance to the life of Japanese intelligence officer Hiroo Onada who survived for thirty four years in remote Philippines jungles, after the original General MacArthur took the Japanese surrender in 1945.

Luckily for Philippinos in 1945, Lieutenant Onada had no ammunition.

Unluckily for Adolf and his fellow rate payers of North Shore City, 1n 2009 the hold out Moronic Mayor has access to all our hard earned rates money.

A brief perusal of his press releases since the battle was lost in May 2009 indicates some 85% of his PR team's (three full time salaries and on costs) effort has been devoted to his futile attempts to maintain a political profile by being seen to fight the merger. Add to this, the costs of various surveys and advertising campaigns and it's not too hard to see well over a million dollars wasted so far.

How much better off would we be if he could just kneel on the floor behind his desk and ritually disembowel himself.


muz said...

That Adolf would require a level of courage I have never associated with this particular representative of the porcine peoples party. The party grew out of Animal Farm the foundation document penned by the intellectual George Orwell.

Anonymous said...

three fulltime PR staff on a council? I successfully (i.e. no bad news) ran a bloody press office for one of the UK's biggest with me, the occasional stringer, and a handful of uppers! fucking wastrels...

Anonymous said...

Adolf said: "How much better off would we be if he could just kneel on the floor behind his desk and ritually disembowel himself"

Well, to be fair, it looks like he's drinking himself to death.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Far too slow.

Anonymous said...

I wish they'd serve him one of those slugs at the next council lunch.