Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Spare a thought for Poor Phil-in!!!


Spare a thought for Philip Bruce Goff this fine evening.
At long last you have achieved what you have always wanted- the leadership of the Liarbour Party.
But is it what you expected?
You come after a huge towering figure, one who made her mark on the country, for better or worse.
Who could follow her record? Who could also make as much an impact? Who?
Indeed, as you see the first poll results you are but an invisible pygmy. An impotent midget against a most virile colossus.
Phil Who? Phil-in, Mr Invisible? It all sounds so cruel and most unfair.
You bided your time and served loyally. But it seems your party has just set you up for the fall.
You compete against a fresh new prime minister who it seems cannot put a foot wrong.
He looks like he will be around forever, whereas you are older, a relic from the 1980s when the rookie PM was but a boy.
You note the economy is turning to custard and try and push him on policy, saying the country needs some extra stimulation, some extra spending.
But it’s a hard task convincing a man who madeh is money on the markets and has a sounder grasp of economics than you will ever have.
It makes the task even harder that your former government spent all the money when the sun shone, saved nothing for our rainy day, and left debts so large the markets would downgrade the country’s credit rating if they spent more, like you seek.
Deep down you know you cannot push the issue too far, for you were a senior man in the old government, even if others made the decisions, but you’d be blamed all the same. You are but tainted, tainted by their failed government, the government you once served in.
Indeed you tried to break free, mooting a change on the smacking bill, but you decided you better not run the wrath of your party. You have enough on your hands dealing with the opposition now serving in government, never mind the opposition in your own party, the left faction, the bigger faction, Helen’s faction.
Indeed, she rebuilt the party in her own image. Her immediate legacy is a by-election and what a problem that is. A wrong candidate, such as list MP like Phil Twyford, means the return of her ‘Handbag,’ an old face as old as you, another relic from another age.
Thus you seek fresh faces. The much mooted rejuvenation. Megan Bates, Conor Roberts, both presentable faces, but aren’t both Clarkist clones, or at least youthful members raised at the feet of Helen, keen to carry on her work?
Your options are closing fast.
So you look around at your old government. There’s Helen now in New York, with Heather to help her out. Michael Cullen has swallowed his dead rats, sold out, and is to work for Bolger at NZ Post.
There’s always jobs for the boys if you are good. Politicians always look after each other, don’t they?
So you cheer up thinking, ‘serve a decent time , lead the party to respectable defeat in 2011. Let that nice Mr Key enjoy an extended place in the sun’. He’ll need it to undo the mess your old government made.
You remind yourself to tell him. If Cullen can have an SOE, then so can you. You go away and smile thinking your future is secure. Then you remember this National government, its promises, and the economic crisis your government left behind. The Nats might keep you waiting so long, there might not be any SOEs left to chair when you need one!!

7 comments:

DenMT said...

Shit, FFM, this is just getting embarrassing. All your myriad threads decrying the media's adulation of Obama (or 'the One' or whatever your generic put-down of the week is) and you refer to John Key as 'a most virile colossus'.

Have you been renting 80's gay porn or something?

DenMT

Anonymous said...

"Indeed, as you see the first poll results you are but an invisible pygmy. An impotent midget against a most virile colossus."

Poetry. You're like Tolstoy. No doubt the most brilliant semi-anonymous right-wing public intellectual in your immediate vicinity.

Judge Holden

WAKE UP said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
WAKE UP said...

I thought that by "virile colossus" you meant Helen! :)

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Very good post FFM but you let yourself down with overuse of the word 'indeed.' Perhaps it time also to let 'Liabore' become a monument to history.

Whaleoil said...

What DenMT said

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

No that was a reference to Uncle helen!
read closer DenMT