Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Must Have Been A Labour Voter

Here is the story of a loser.

Today Adolf picked up his car after a service and some repairs at his local service station. Adolf drives a six year old V8 Holden Calais and it was due its 100,000 km service and a skim of the brake bits to eliminate vibration when braking.

$750 all up.

The car was kept for a day and a half, due to unforeseen events.

A commercial carpet cleaner turned up at the service station and filled the fuel tank of his van with dieselene. That was his first mistake. You see, his van has and had a petrol engine.

He rushed into the workshop where Adolf's car was being seen to and demanded that the staff remove the diesel fuel from his tank. "Sorry sir, we are not authorised to do that work, you'll have to call the certified specialist who will be along in an hour or so."

Jeyasus! I can't wait that long, I've got fucking carpets to clean. Giz a lend of some tools and I'll do it myself.

"I'm sorry Sir but we can't lend you our tools."

Shit shit shit! Bugger bugger bugger! Fuck fuck fuck! (Obviously a friend of the fellows from The Standard)

So, our newly found loser pushed his van a few metres away from the petrol pumps to the back of the yard, pulled out his industrial strength vacuum cleaner, hooked it up to his petrol tank and proceeded to suck himself dry. There was just one little problem. He forgot about or never contemplated static electricity and before you could say 'clean my carpet' there was a conflagration and the van was incinerated.

The service station was closed down, the fire brigade attended, and mayhem ensued.

The results for the loser were:-

The urgent carpet cleaning jobs were not carried out.

He lost his van.

He voided his insurance policy so any claim for his van and equipment will be declined.

He'll get a bill for about $30k from Shell Company.

Such are the people on whom Helen Clark and Michael Cullen relied for support.


Anonymous said...

Heh. Heard another good story:

apparently some officials have been writing letters address to the previous minister

And the political advisor in the minister's office is just adding all their names to a list: they'll get a redundancy notice on Christmas eve!

mojo said...

Harsh ... simply harsh.

pdm said...

One could also assume most, if not all, of his carpet cleaning gear was in his van. It will be a while before he cleans any more carpets -if he ever does.

Anonymous said...

Duh. Of course, the other comment is:

this is what Helen and Mike have done to the country!

They put debt and taxes into the economy

and when they tried to get them out

(with ACC, WFF, stealing from the Housing Corp account)


Dave Mann said...

Fun story and well written, but FFS you are grasping at straws to link this poor nitwit to Helen Klark or Labour in any way.

You might as well say "old lady gets run over... proves Labour ex=Govet are tossers"

Get real and grow out of it.

Anonymous said...

You might as well say "old lady gets run over... proves Labour ex=Govet are tossers"

naa - old lady got run over on 8 November

to general applause and rejoicing!

MikeG said...

Well said Dave.

The carpet cleaner is (was!) probably the owner of a small business - the Nats/Act usually try to claim them as theirs. He was trying to earn some money trough hard work and was conscious of keeping commitments to customers - too bad he didn't think it all through.

Harpoon said...

Adolf: "He lost his van. He voided his insurance policy ... he'll get a bill for about $30k from Shell Company. Such are the people on whom Helen Clark and Michael Cullen relied for support."

My first reaction: what a stupid conclusion to draw. Think about it.

That poor guy is now ruined. He was panicking and not thinking logically. And you stood there and watched him do it. And now you're laughing at him.

Such are the people on whom John Key and Bill English relied for support.

Also ... "anon", you're a prize dick. Just thought you might appreciate a reminder.

DenMT said...

All class, Adolf. No Minister is getting more bizarre every day - on the one hand, we have avowed right-winger and enemy of the 'Nanny State' Fairfacts Media proudly boasting of his return to the parental teat in England where his parents house and dress him as he waits for his inheritance, and then we have you championing the demise of a small-business owner.

Strange times indeed...


Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Did you blokes sell your senses of humour on trade me? Good grief!

OECD rank 22 kiwi said...

Reminds me of Nigeria and the various stories you here from time to time of locals gathering around leaking oil pipelines in a futile attempt to "redistribute the wealth" with similar consequences to the story you've illustrated.

I can believe that Labour have made New Zealand the new Nigeria of the South Pacific. Thanks Helen and Michael, you numpties.

DenMT said...

Adolf, with all due respect, 'humour' requires more than "haha, idiotic behaviour, must have been an 'x' voter, hurr hurr."

You pull it off pretty well in other circumstances, but you're not even trying here.


Oswald Bastable said...

I thought it was pretty damned amusing!

A string of acts of stupidity, not one cock-up but a whole bunch of them.

I can certainly see how it could be concluded that he voted labour!

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

DenMT. Clearly you haven't played the time honoured game of walking down Queen St at lunchtime, saying to yourself 'There's one, there's one, no not that one, there's one, there's one......'

Anonymous said...

I've never heard of static electricity igniting diesel. Hell, you can drop a lighted match into a pool of diesel and nothing will happen - except the match will be put out toot sweet.

Sounds like a BS pubstory to me.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Anonymous, you dick. Go and tell that to the service station staff who watched the fire engulf the van. Then go home, fill your bath with a mixture of petrol and diesel fuel, climb in and strike a match.

The world will be a better place.

coge said...

Let's be charitable this Christams. Spare a thought for those poor unfortunates forced to spend Christmas day with grubby carpets.


Oh DenMT
But isn't this why you love coming back.
We're so crazy and unpredictable.
We're like a guilty, forbidden pleasure.
Like chocolate, drugs, kinky sex !

Anonymous said...

Adolf - did you know that diesel has a higher boiling point than water?

What's your tipple? Tui?