Friday, September 19, 2008

Hair shirt anyone?


Barnsley Bill is a top bloke and can claim credit for some great finds in the blogosphere.
I discovered Theo Spark thanks to Barnsley, not to mention Lakelander, Electro-Kevin, Tuscan Tony and various other British blogs.
Old Holborn is BB's latest discovery, with a classic post on some sound virtues that may well be rediscovered in he upcoming financial downturn- living within your means.
So here's the post from Old Holbron, which I have amended slightly to account for a New Zealand audience.
If you are ever in the Bay of Islands, do call and see BB.
And if you never go up north, look at the blog, you never know what you might find.


It’s hair shirt time.
And in my opinion about time too.
Let’s have a look at what a recession will bring.
Firstly, credit is hard to come by. Unless you have a good record of borrowing money and paying it back, you won’t get it.
People are beginning to shout that this is not fair, as they’ve been able to borrow squillions before, buy loads of useless shit and have the odd month off from repaying it.
Well, tough. The rules have changed. If you had an ounce of foresight, you would have realised that buying things you can’t afford to pay cash for, using other peoples money is a privilege, not a right.
Yes, your house is full of Warehouse tat, but you haven’t actually bought it. Other people have. You just used their money to do it and now, you’ll have to capitalise your labour and give the people their money back.
That means:Little Tyson WON’T be strutting around the playground in $200 trainers this year. He will be wearing K-Mart plastic trainers that you bought for $15. He WILL survive, trust me. Most of the other kids will be wearing them as well. 99.99% of the kids in the world wear nothing on their feet at all.
David Beckham may feel the pinch as his earnings from the mongs who buy his endorsed shit goes down a million or two, but his wife still has her career. He’ll get by.
You will not be able to take the entire family and Nanna to the Gold Coast twice a year and put it on the plastic. Trust me, this is a good thing.
Eventually, your children are going to have to earn their own money and if you have been teaching them that spunking every penny you have up the wall is a good policy, they have been ill advised and are in for a large shock later in life.
99.99% of the worlds children do not know what The Gold Coast is or have any need to know. Spend the money paying back a bit of last years lager fuelled bender to Surfers before you start spending even more of other peoples money.
You will have to sell your Subaru wiv da big exhaust and get the bus. Yep. Tragic isn’t it?
No more wheelspins away from the lights wiv ya crew in da back, trying to get that bird with the tattoo on her tits to shag you. If you want her to shag you, be nice to her, be attentive to her needs and show her you care. Handbrake turns are not romantic.
You may have to cook some food. This is a hard one. 99.99% of the world has managed it but somehow, life without the “ding dong” of the Dominoes Pizza man (with free Cola) arriving at your abode everynight, spilling out utter shite for you to eat on your laps whilst watching the Simpsons is actually not a bad thing.
If you can save up $300 (without immediately spending it on a PS3 game or a handbag) you could buy a dining table and some chairs. Then, you could sit as a family and eat together. Maybe some of you could talk about stuff. Decide things as a family, plan days out together and get to know the other people who live in your house.
You can buy food in markets. Those shouty blokes waving green stuff in your face as you head to the Bingo are actually selling fresh food. All you have to do is cover it in salt and sugar and boil it for an hour. Then sit down at your table and eat it. Topped with lard for all I care.
Your house. This is a hard one, because some of you saw stuff on Sky and thought you had to have it. So that hot tub you bought on the Mastercard and have used twice (both times to invite your wife’s mates over, although you weren’t so keen when they brought their slimmer hubbies and your missus whipped her tits out, were you?) and was a snip at $9K didn’t actually ADD $9K to the value of your house. In fact, it turns out that spending $50K on patio heaters, a ride on lawn mower, a “chiminea” and koi carp has actually brought no return at all.
Apart from more letters offering “consolidation loans” secured on your foreskin.
A recession means you will have to live within your means. It means that you can no longer spend money you have not earned.
Just like the rest of the planet in fact. It can be done.
The rest of the planet manages to do it, so can youOH’s 10 money saving tips for poor people who don’t realise they are poor yet (but fucking will, soon enough)
1.Stop spending money
2.Cook and eat food yourself
3.Don’t go to Queensland with Nanna on shit holidays you cannot afford
4.Stop trying to keep up with the fucking Joneses who are just as fucking skint as you
5.Get the bus
6.Life is short. Do stuff that doesn’t cost money. A walk with the kidsfor example
7.Put a jumper on
8.Get a bike
9.Stop pretending to be rich. There is no shame in poor but honest.
Even if you lost everything, you still have more than most of the planet. Which is why half the bastard planet is trying to get here in the back of lorries.
10.Tanning/nail studios are the work of the devil. Stay away from them
Go and look at some really poor people (Samoa and the Cook Islands is a good place to start) and you may just understand that it doesn’t matter what other people think. Including me.
You've been sold fools gold and it ain't the end of the world.
Anyway, serves you right for voting Labour, you tossers!

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

The Devil's Kitchen is another excellent blog to be found via BB's blog.

showmethetaxcut

Old Holborn said...

Glad you enjoyed it

Barnsley Bill said...

Try "obnoxio the clown" as well, he has a link off old holborns blog and guest posts at the devils kitchen.
Oh, and it is an absolutely brilliant day up here today. The birds are singing and the there is not a cloud in the sky. I must go out on a friday night more often.

Barnsley Bill said...

Obnoxio is the proto grump.

mawm said...

Remember when you buy on credit you pay at least double for the item. Your biggest waste of money is the flash car. If you have a paid off car - keep it until it stops working...and then fix it if you can. We have a generation that does not know about big ends, reboring and replacing rings - unless it's to make the car go faster.

If you are struggling - cut up the visa/mastercard, get a second or even third job, pay cash (it makes you FEEL the pain).

Anonymous said...

Anyway, serves you right for voting Labour, you tossers!


This still doesn't explain: why

Why you are being fired; why your taxes are so high you can't afford that trip to the gold coast, why your grandma can't get the hip replacement she needs, why your kids aren't learning to read and why NZ's economy is currently crashing harder than most other places in the world (and why the UK is crashing second hardest)


And the answer is: Labour. Labour. Labour.

Anonymous said...

Your biggest waste of money is the flash car.

Go to the US. Go to even "failing" Germany and France and Japan.

Oh gee, everyone is driving "new flash cars"

now come to NZ. everyone is driving 10 year old wrecks?

Why? Labour. Labour. Labour.

Lucyna Maria said...

It'd be luxury to be driving a 10-year old wreck. Our 12-year old wreck is still going strong, but boy have we paid money to keep it on the road! Now we just have to decide if we really want air-conditioning badly enough to spend money on fixing it in time for summer.

Anonymous said...

lucyna maria

if you want a new car - what the fuck are you doing in New Zeland?

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

That's the trouble with old cars.
The can cost more to run than a new one.
But yes, don't pay the ridiculous interests some garages charge.
I recall visiting the East Cape and I looked in the local rag at some ads from the caryards.
You could pay for your car over 2 years or so, but you ended up paying double.
Are the people out there dumb enough to fall for it?

Psycho Milt said...

Go to even "failing" Germany and France and Japan.

Oh gee, everyone is driving "new flash cars"


Can't speak for France or Japan but I do know Germany, and its govts have consistently made NZ ones look like the loonier fringes of Libertarianism. Not exactly low-tax territory either. So, the message is that Nanny State and high taxation equals cheap luxury cars? I dunno man, I don't see it somehow...

Anonymous said...

Are the people out there dumb enough to fall for it?


yep. socialised education.

Not exactly low-tax territory either. So, the message is that Nanny State and high taxation equals cheap luxury cars?

yep. well in Germany anyway. Even the Taxis are E-class. If you're poor - you just have to buy a new Renault.

Lucyna Maria said...

I don't think I ever said I wanted a new car. It would be nice, but I've got other priorities for the money.

Anonymous said...

don't think I ever said I wanted a new car. It would be nice, but I've got other priorities for the money

which shows the total lack of ambition bread into you by NZ socialism.

"a new car? - I thought I'd never own one?"

I guess you buy new underwear?
new toilet paper and toothpaste?

why not a new car?


(thank you Labour)

Psycho Milt said...

"Bread" is a food. Hereditary attributes are "bred" into living creatures.

why not a new car?

Because it's a horrendous waste of money compared to buying a used car still under its new-car warranty? Is it that important to you to possess something that no other man's possessed? I pity your wife...

Lucyna Maria said...

Anon, some of us have priorities. The amount of money that it would take to buy the type of new car that I would be happy with (large engine family car), I'd rather put into house renovations. Which is what we are currently doing.

KG said...

"which shows the total lack of ambition bread into you by NZ socialism."
A large and arrogant assumption.
All life consists of prioritising and for those with kids even more so.
Spending a large amount of money on something that will depreciate by at least 30% the minute you drive it away--and which won't necessarily do the job any better than something costing far less--is stupid when there are places the money could be put to better use.
And to compare buying a car costing at least $16000 with buying underwear and toothpaste is just plain fucking idiocy.

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

Lucyna is being fiscally prudent.
Her ideas make more sense in the long run.
But there's nothing like having ambition and trying to achieve both the flash car and the home.

Clunking Fist said...

Sorry, lat for me own funeral, me.

A good second hand Toyota pays for itsself in no time.

And with UK blogs don't look past: Prodicus. Well-written abuse
http://prodicus.blogspot.com/