Saturday, June 28, 2008

Yesterday's Whale is Tomorrow's Sheep

The International Whaling Commission is to establish a branch for the control of sheep farming, applying all the principles of the world's wailing anti-whaling lobbies to the fate or future of this delightful, cuddly, newest endangered species.

Based in New Zealand, the International Commission for Sheep (The Bleating Commission) will focus on the sharp drop in sheep numbers world wide over the past thirty years. Numbers in New Zealand have declined from over sixty million head in 1965 to less than 20 million today. It is calculated there are now fewer sheep roaming the world's pastures than there are whales in the sea.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/images/709735.jpg


Inaugural world president of the Bleating Commission, Sue Kedgeley, is calling for a world wide ban on the consumption of sheep meat. (Adolf was buying Kumara in Glenfield for $2.99 on the day this silly bitch was wasting parliament's time bleating about supermarkets selling them for $6.00.)

"The pain and misery caused to these innocent frolicking little lambsies is unacceptable" said the Chief Bleater. "We cruelly slaughter these animals in their hundreds of thousands. People need to know that by slaughtering just one humpback whale we could save the lives of seven hundred dear little lambs for the same amount of meat. It's what we call the death dividend."

Government grants are to be given to Iwi and other privileged group to establish sheep watching tourism ventures. Japanese visitors are to be encouraged to adopt a sheep and receive yearly updates on their little baa baa's progress into sheeplehood. Others on their gullible travels will be sold purified organic sheep dags to wear around their necks as lucky charms. (Especially effective when you enter the tropics.)

Sheep friendly businesses will receive certificates of sheepishness and will qualify for special tax rebates and the University of Canterbury is to be endowed with a faculty for woolly thinking, engaging Dr Michael Cullen as inaugural Professor. New Zealand is to shake off its 'land of sheep shaggers' image as a thorough programme of re-education is introduced to kindergartens, preschools and primary schools.

The Prime Minister has jumped at the chance to redress her party's flagging electoral fortunes by launching The Bleaters new logo on Nationwide TV next week.

Here it is:-

http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/2688256/2/istockphoto_2688256_sheep_shit.jpg

11 comments:

ZenTiger said...

This is all just idle speculation. Pure poppycock. The only way of getting to the heart of the matter is to set up abattoirs all over the country and kill a few million for scientific research purposes.

And so as not to waste the by product of science, it would be sensible to distribute the left over meat through participating establishments that support scientific advancement, such as Woolworths and the local butcher.

I reckon mint feels pain too. We need to experiment on mint.

homepaddock said...

Numbers in New Zealand have declined from over sixty million head in 1965 to less than 20 million today.

Nearly 70 million at the height of subsidies (though that may have been due to the Fred Dagg method of counting). There were nearly 40 million a month or so ago, your figures show numbers have halved since then so the Bleating Commission may already be too late.

Let's declare ourselves the first vegetarian nation in the world, the prize for that can go on the same shelf as the one for talking about being carbon neutral.

KG said...

Never mind the mint--mint moans regardless--it's the effect of long-term immersion in soy sauce and honey that worries me.
And side-effects caused by taking a dose of sheep along with roast kumara and green peas.
There's a grant in there somewhere....

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

Homepaddock, you have to allow some licence when pursuing a shiraz inflamed theme.

Clunking Fist said...

A question for homepaddocks: what happens to dairy cows when they dry up? Do I find them at the supermarket? or are they only good for pet food?
I've often wondered this.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

CF, just think of sausages, mince and stewing beef. You might find the odd bit of fillet steak as well.

Don't forget, there is virtue in older women.

Adolf Fiinkensein said...

CF this from a google search "sheep numbers"

The US remains New Zealand's most important beef market. In the year ended September 2002, the US took 193,000 tonnes product weight (pw) (60% of New Zealand's exports), of which 129,000 tonnes pw comprised manufacturing beef and veal.

I'd put my money on the answer being 'mince.'

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

Well I had company over the weekend and the plan was to have a huge leg of lamb for lunch today.
But two went home early and a third decided to go duck shooting.
So there's only two of us now to feast on this $30 leg tonight.
Yes, there will be mint gravy, probably the lamb will have rosemary and garlic infused in it and it will be sitting in a roasting dish of oxo and red wine.
Oh yes, there will be carrots and kumura and potatoes too.
I have to say the slump in sheep numbers is a worry though.
I'm quite partial to a bit of lamb.

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

Looks like there is money to be made from lamb, until emissions trading spoils it.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/4599277a3600.html

FAIRFACTS MEDIA said...

Delicious lamb

still some left for lunch tomorrow

Clunking Fist said...

Thanks, AF! I would not have thought that the US would be a big export market: I was under the impression that the market was quite closed, but maybe we are a bit plyer cf the Aussies, who have certainly bleated in the past about lack of access to the US beef market.