The International Whaling Commission is to establish a branch for the control of sheep farming, applying all the principles of the world's wailing anti-whaling lobbies to the fate or future of this delightful, cuddly, newest endangered species.
Based in New Zealand, the International Commission for Sheep (The Bleating Commission) will focus on the sharp drop in sheep numbers world wide over the past thirty years. Numbers in New Zealand have declined from over sixty million head in 1965 to less than 20 million today. It is calculated there are now fewer sheep roaming the world's pastures than there are whales in the sea.
Inaugural world president of the Bleating Commission, Sue Kedgeley, is calling for a world wide ban on the consumption of sheep meat. (Adolf was buying Kumara in Glenfield for $2.99 on the day this silly bitch was wasting parliament's time bleating about supermarkets selling them for $6.00.)
"The pain and misery caused to these innocent frolicking little lambsies is unacceptable" said the Chief Bleater. "We cruelly slaughter these animals in their hundreds of thousands. People need to know that by slaughtering just one humpback whale we could save the lives of seven hundred dear little lambs for the same amount of meat. It's what we call the death dividend."
Government grants are to be given to Iwi and other privileged group to establish sheep watching tourism ventures. Japanese visitors are to be encouraged to adopt a sheep and receive yearly updates on their little baa baa's progress into sheeplehood. Others on their gullible travels will be sold purified organic sheep dags to wear around their necks as lucky charms. (Especially effective when you enter the tropics.)
Sheep friendly businesses will receive certificates of sheepishness and will qualify for special tax rebates and the University of Canterbury is to be endowed with a faculty for woolly thinking, engaging Dr Michael Cullen as inaugural Professor. New Zealand is to shake off its 'land of sheep shaggers' image as a thorough programme of re-education is introduced to kindergartens, preschools and primary schools.
The Prime Minister has jumped at the chance to redress her party's flagging electoral fortunes by launching The Bleaters new logo on Nationwide TV next week.
Here it is:-
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