"I've been f**ked by a wombat" screamed the poor pissed bastard over the phone after he had dialled 111. He tried 901 but nothing happened.
All Australians are in the process of being f**cked by a wombat - one which speaks Mandarin.
You see, dear readers, Helen Clark is right. The trans Tasman traffic is not one way. We receive an inflow of quality people from across the ditch, doncha know?