Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Dompost Cronicles Clark's Sporting Debacles

This morning's DomPost editorial is close to Adolf's heart. First, unwittingly it lays bare the jinx like qualities of the braying ass we have for a Prime Minister and secondly it wittingly echo's my own feeling on the misfortunes of our hapless national cricket team.

The list of lamentable losses includes the Kiwis piss poor league performance this year.

"The rotated and reconditioned, or should that be deconditioned, All Blacks finished a miserable seventh or eighth at the Rugby World Cup, the netballers lost to the old foe, Australia, the America's Cup yachties fell at the final hurdle in Valencia and the Kiwi rugby league team ran up the white flag against the Australians and the British."

To be fair to the PM, Adolf is unaware of her sending subliminally defeatist text messages to the league coach or of her turning up at the match to scare the players shitless. However, when all the analysis of tactics, strategy, coaching, captaincy, preparation and attitude is said and done, the one consistent characteristic of all our other sporting failure has been the presence and or influence of Helen Clark. Funny thing is, her midas like touch on our sporting assets has coincided with her failing political fortunes. (In case you're wondering, when Adolf has a 'midas week' it is one in which every bit of gold he touches turns to lead.)

Now for The Queer Slack Caps. Adolf has been a devotee of cricket all his life. From the age of seven or eight when his father put a cricket ball in an old nylon stocking hung from the clothes line on a piece of string for batting practice, through to captaining the school eleven and on to some thirty years of mediocre but enjoyable club cricket. Adolf even got to participate in a game on the WACA. (Shell Co v The North West Association.)

Today it's harder to be a Slack Cap supporter than it is to be a member of the Exclusive Brethren at a Labour Party conference. Why even on Christmas Day, the good people at Sky TV put on a replay of NZ v Pakistan and when someone asked me what the game was, I replied 'they must have gone back a while to find something we won.' We settled down to watch and lo and behold, the Pakis knocked us off.

You know your sport is buggered when the TV people sort through the archives to replay your team's most exciting DEFEAT! ! ! I have to say, I will not be at Eden Park today and I might not even dare watch the encounter on TV. The thought of being banged by the Bangers is just too much.

I can't help but reflect that the last time I recall our lads enjoying a modicum of consistent success was when they had an Ocker for a coach. I think it's time Bracewell found some other way to serve his sport.

However, the cricketing quote of the year goes to Paul Holmes who, after a trip to North Africa, was heard to remark - 'They've introduced cricket to The Yemen, you know. It's become an instant success, immensely popular. They've called it Yemeni Cricket."

1 comment:

KG said...

Perhaps too when idiot teachers stop telling kids that it's more important to participate than to win we'll see more kids coming through with the right attitude.